... and the sugar turned bitter.

When the dates for Yukirin’s graduation single were announced in December, I foolishly posted on masto, “Hang in there, Sasaki Yukari!”. With Yukirin’s graduation announcement, Yukarun officially became next in line as the oldest serving member of AKB48, having debuted in May, 2011 as part of the group’s twelfth generation alongside Hirata Rina, Saeed Yokota Erena, Muto Tomu, Tano Yuka, and, later, Eguchi Aimi, which even with this dubious accolade is still five years less than Kashiwagi’s tenure in the group. I’ve muddied the waters with all these details, what I’m trying to tell you is that, despite my sudden cheering on of Yukarun, her graduation was announced on 11th January.



“Last year, 41 members announced their graduation, and AKB48 is undergoing a generational change,” the article declares, and it is unarguable that the group is definitely changing, and I want to support the group as it is now... but at the same time, all these changes are quietly breaking my heart. I thought we might have a little more time with Yukarun.

What do I have to tell you about Yukarun, what is it that you need to know to appreciate her impact on the group as a member? I don’t have any evidence for this but there’s a little quote from the stage48 that I either think is the cutest or creepiest thing ever for fans to become fixated on: “‘Sasaki Yukari Sneezing’ appears as a Google search suggestion in Japanese when typing her name.” Only idol fans get fixated on stuff like this.

We’ve discussed Eguchi Aimi before, but I think it’s important to know that along with her being modelled after various popular members of the group, the person who brought her to life, who performed as her in the advert for Glico's Aisu no Mi confectionery was Yukarun. During the last day of the Seibu Dome concerts, she appeared as Eguichi, and during the Janken tournament that year, she again dressed up to look like Eguchi, but didn’t make it to the stage as she was too nervous about ad-libbing her role. Being thrown into this as soon as she joined the group must have been terrifying! What a way to start your career as an idol!

Between 2009 – 2012, kenyuusei of AKB48 were forced to undergo evaluation tests after a certain amount of time in the group, the results of which would determine whether they were eligible for promotion or would be told they had to graduate. I do not like this. I don’t think it is fair, I have never thought it was fair, but I understand why a system like this would be implemented by a venture intended to make money... I just don’t like it. At some point, I want to talk to you about the members that failed, but for now, rest assured that Yukaran obviously passed, and whilst these evaluation requirements haven’t been rescinded, the group hasn’t enforced them since 2012, during the year that she passed. Following this, in April of 2013, she was moved to Team A under Shinoda Mariko, and winning herself a place in the senbatsu during that year’s Janken tournament, debuted on Suzukake no Ki no Michi de "Kimi no Hohoemi wo Yume ni Miru" to Itteshimattara Bokutachi no Kankei wa Dou Kawatteshimaunoka, Bokunari ni Nannichi ka Kangaeta Ue deno Yaya Kihazukashii Ketsuron no youna Mono. Less than a year later, she was transferred to Minegishi Team 4 and made it to the Next Girls selection in the general elections. Keeping up this pace, a year after that she was moved to Yokoyama Team A, where she managed to stay for a short while.

2017, however, was a different story, as she was then shuffled into fellow twelfth generation member, Takahashi Juri’s Team B, where again she managed to stay for a little while until at last returning to Team 4 under the leadership of Kuranoo Narumi, where she remained right up until AKB disbanded the team system.

Phew.

Yukarun was in a lot of plays during her time as a member of AKB, more than fulfilling her ambition of become both a singer and an actor. As recently as April last year, she appeared in both an Assault Lily production, as well as portraying the character of Nepgear, a character based on a fictional Sega handheld console, in a play adapted from the Hyperdimension Neptunia series.

Sidenote: The 2013 PSVita game, Hyperdimension Neptunia: Producing Perfection featured an antagonist group of monsters who had established themselves as idols called MOB48. Just putting that out there.

Despite all the changes she endured, despite all the back and forth, it’s sad that, like Tsuchiuasu Mizuki, she only featured on one AKB single, the same AKB single. When laid out like this, it’s tempting to suggest that Yukarun doesn’t have much to show for being almost the longest serving member in the group, but I don’t think that’s true. Yukarun and the twelfth generation had a huge impact on how the group developed, where they are now, and being the second oldest in her generation, pulling everyone along with her, it is an understatement to say that she contributed to stabilising the group during what was a transitional period before the debut of Team 8. Without her presence, I wonder who will fill this role now AKB is about to change once more.

Sasaki Yukari’s catchphrase as an idol has always been Happiness! On Google+, she labelled her slideshow videos Happiness Videos, and she often uses the four-leaf clover emoji in her text to represent this ephemeral value. I am sad whenever anyone graduates, especially someone who has been with the group for so long, but I want to honour Yukarun’s pursuit of happiness, I want to be happy for her.

I hope the future brings many wonderful things for her!

Just around the announcement of the fourth single, that was when I really became conscious of Nogizaka46, at least in terms of my interest in them. I had paid attention during their announcement by producer, Akimoto Yasushi as AKB48's "rival"—a notion so manufactured that if the subject matter was not idol related, I would have rejected it—but I had never understood what differentiated them from the sister groups, from SKE48 or NMB48, other than that they were owned by Sony. Like any sensible person, I distrusted anything owned by Sony, especially considering my long-standing and childish grudge in regards to how I felt the Playstation had "taken games away from me," and popularised them amongst people who seemed alien to me. Whilst this is a digression, please do not forget that we are now two years away from the events of Sega's magnum opus, Segagaga, and it's pretty obvious who the DOGMA Corporation represent. Obviously though, I paid attention when the B side to the group's first single was a cover of Aitakatta and featured a notable cameo; obviously, I paid attention when AKBINGO! ran a bit pitting the sales of Sashihara Rino's first single against Oide Shampoo, but it wasn't until the fourth single and the reveal of surprise "new" member, Akimoto Manatsu on the show, Nogizakatte, Doko?, that I really paid attention.



Manattan had been part of Nogizaka since Day One, passing the auditions for the first generation with her performance of Oh My Darlin' by the Nakanomori Band, however, before the group debuted, she went on hiatus due to her studies; her surprise return as a member of the senbatsu for Seifuku no Mannequin was revealed at the end of Nogizakatte, Doko? episode #53, first broadcast on 7th October, 2012. Looking back, I don't really know what it was that made me gravitate so much towards her, whether it was the late start, or her awkwardness in those initial episodes of Nogizakatte, Doko?, but I absolutely became a fan, writing out Christmas and birthday cards in my bad Japanese at my work desk and making sure that they were sent every year, until, at last, real life got in the way. One of my biggest regrets is not going to France when Nogizaka46 played Japan Expo in 2014. My best friend at the time—who you will remember from our Nakanishi Rina entry—went and brought me back a Nogizaka t-shirt, for which I will remain incredibly and eternally grateful, but I will kick myself forever for not digging myself out from the pit I was in during that time; I should have made more of an effort to see them, just as I should have made an effort to see AKB48 on the occasions they performed at the convention, and I really regret that I did not.

This month, that regret is fairly poignant. In early January, Manattan, now 30-years-old, announced her graduation at the end of February. Her graduation photobook came out on the day I was meant to fly back, and I was really panicking about being able to get a copy of it, so I was really pleased to find it on shelves in a book shop in Nakano Broadway a day before it was due to be released. Whilst I stopped writing Christmas and birthday cards, my dedication to Manattan never wavered. Again, I don't know if it was her awkwardness, her shyness, or just the fact that she seemed so relatable, so normal, but in her I saw someone who I wanted to support, to cheer on, and whilst this awkwardness of hers meant that she was often relegated to the back lines after the initial surprise of her introduction, she still retained her place; her relatability obviously spoke to more people than just me as she retained her place in the senbatsu over the years to come, even if it was in the backlines, far from the spotlight.

Over the past couple of years, Nogizaka46 have changed in extraordinary ways. I never would have predicted that they and their sister groups would outgrow AKB48, yet since returning to Japan semi-regularly from 2016, I have found myself in a world where this has happened, and where Manattan has been my sole connexion to Nogizaka now that other members of the first generation have been aged out or graduated. On a cold Sunday evening, on my way to CoCo Ichibanya in Shinjuku, I looked up to see Manattan on a huge screen on the side of the Alpen store across the street from Seibu Shinjuku station. Her graduation took place eight days later, and it was only when I realised that the event at which she was graduating would be Nogizaka's eleventh anniversary that I truly understood the scale of things.



I make these idol graduations sound religious events, I know. Yet even without spiralling merkabah burning in the sky, without bodily ascension, the emotional impact resonates. I don't know what Manattan will do after Nogizaka46, but I hope her life will be filled with good things and happiness.

You can listen to her graduation song, Bokutachi no Sayonara on youtube ahead of its 29th March release as the B side of the group's 32nd single, its video opening with her famous "Zukkyun!" pose, and it is the perfect bookmark to Aitakatta Kamoshirenai, that awkward, clumsy girl with two fingers pointed like an arrow towards your heart. I don't know how I feel about Nogizaka46 without Manattan, and in many ways, I acknowledge this as a good-bye of my own, as I wonder if, in her absence, I will continue to follow the group, her departure an indicator not only of how much time has passed but of how both of us, audience and the former performer, have grown up over time. Whatever happens next though, I will always have time for Manattan.

In Tsutaya in Shibuya, on a warmer weekend, I coerced a complete stranger into taking a photo of me standing next to a cardboard cut-out of her.

It's raining outside, and I keep thinking about Bach, not because I have suddenly developed a sense of refinement and taste, but because a piano rendition of this particular piece appears in Evangelion, and sometimes little bits of Evangelion seem to pop into my mind unbidden, almost as if this show has been taking up space in my memory since I first became aware of it in the late '90s. As yesterday was the anniversary of the death of poet, Sarah Teasdale, I posted a short thing from something broader I was working on last year. I had a real apocalyptic moment last year, as evidenced by my endless cataloguing of plagues in pop culture, and the poem, There Will Come Soft Rains haunts me as I assume it must haunt others considering Ray Bradbury also wrote a short story referencing it. Also, after a long struggle and many years of waiting, I finally got to see one of the Sakura Wars musicals!

( Geki! Teikoku Kagekidan )

Title: Dilapidated Town
Universe: Streets of Rage
Character(s): Blaze Fielding, Axel Stone, Adam Hunter
Rating: U
Warnings: N/A
Summary: In the shattered remains of a downtown bar, Axel suggests an alternative method of gaining access to Mr X's HQ.
Length: 284 words
Author's Notes: For adventdrabbles Day 12. also: external link.



( Dilapidated Town )

Today is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, which everyone seems to abbreviate as IDAHOBIT, and I keep reading as I, da Hobbit. I think it's super important we continue to highlight these events even if we can't be there in person, so here I am, bigging this up, despite my stubborn refusal to participate in most things when I do have a chance.

Speaking of which, there was going to be a Virtual Pride this year, that has apparently been shot down? The whole post on Facebook is a masterclass in self-loathing, so, ah, that's not happening.

Anyway, anyway, I posted this little excerpt before I knew all this stuff had kicked off, and then realised that I had never actually linked to the new run of the book from JMS, so consider that rectified here. It's on amazon too, if you get curious, and in other places.

I don't know! Don't be a dick to each other Day, that's something we should celebrate, right?

Also: I always thought that "virtual" things were cooler when you instead used the term Virtua, as per the Sega franchises of the late '80s/early '90s, so here's a thing I made in MS Paint to celebrate that.